Amanda H.

Amanda is another one of my sisters from another mister. She is my oldest brother's baby momma, and a beautiful, strong woman who has had an incredibly amazing impact on his life. We met at Pearson International Airport in September 2015, right after I got off the plane from Seoul for a visit home. Due to living abroad the entire time they have been together, I've only had the pleasure being in the same room as her a handful of times. One of the last times I saw her she gave birth to my very first nephew (like a champ, btw)! She has overcome some unimaginable hardships, and is such a strong, wise, incredible woman full of faith and love. I couldn't be happier that she and her two beautiful children have joined our family, making my brother the happiest I have ever seen him, and bringing another little bean into the world.

Where are you from and where are you now?

I was born in Scarborough Ontario. I lived there until I was 10. The neighborhood I lived in wasn't that great so my parents decided to move us to Newmarket. That's where I considered myself 'growing up'. When I was 19 I bought a house in a little town north of Newmarket called Belle Ewart. I've been here ever since and I love it.

What goals are you working towards and what keeps you motivated?

Goals? So many, but one of my biggest is my house. I've lived here for 16 years. When I bought it, it was a fixer upper, and all these years later it still is. Although, I'm forever grateful that its a roof over my family's heads and the mortgage is manageable, I see a bathroom that needs to be ripped out, a roof that needs replacing, walls that need siding etc. My motivation is Jeffrey. He moved in a year and a half ago. Where I see 'too much work and money' or 'a burden', he sees opportunity. Together we've already done so much and I feel better knowing we're in this together.

Where does your confidence come from?

My confidence comes from being sure of my decisions and not backing down or answering to anyone who disagrees. I used to be really unsure of myself and fearful of what others thought of me. Today, when I make a decision and people don't agree, I don't lose sleep over it. I'm confident in myself and the choices that I make for myself AND the people I'm responsible for.

What do you love about yourself?
         a) Mentally?
The voices in my head used to drive me crazy. My own insecurities would keep me from truly being myself. Through a lot of personal growth my confidence is much better and I feel like I have more control over my thoughts

        b) Physically?

I think my smile is my best feature. To be more than honest, after having kids my boobs (which weren't big to begin with) were destroyed. I got implants and it was money well spent!

       c) Emotionally?

Well, lol. That's a tough one. I've gone up and down over the years. These days I would consider myself 'emotionally strong' but very empathetic. I'm able to confidently show my emotions and feel for others but I'm strong enough to not let them get the better of me.

What is one of your greatest accomplishments?

Only ONE? I have to give 3. Trinity, Timothy, and JJ.

Do you find you compare yourself to others often?

I used to. Not anymore. I try not to judge others and because I'm not judgmental I have no need to compare.

What is something in your life that you have had to overcome, or that you are working to overcome?

Alcoholism. My name is Amanda and I'm an alcoholic. By the grace of God I've been sober since August 15th 2014. I wouldn't consider it something that I've overcome but more something that I recover from on a daily basis. I am constantly doing the work, practicing steps, and working a program to stay sober one day at a time.

What always makes you feel better?

God. I have an incredible relationship with God. No matter how bad things have ever gotten, its nothing that my faith hasn't gotten me through. Also, cheesecake. Cheesecake makes me feel better.

Is there anything about yourself- mentally, physically, or emotionally that you would like to improve?

I guess there's always room for improvement. Although I'm quite satisfied in where I am emotionally, physically and mentally there are some improvements I work towards. Sometimes I get taken advantage of because I'm kind and empathetic. I feel perhaps I could be more mentally aware of those who don't feel the way I do. Physically? I just had a baby so there are a few pounds I want to lose but its OK... It'll happen in time.

What is one of your insecurities?

My biggest insecurity these days is wondering if I'm doing a good enough job raising my kids. JJ is easy, he's only 4 months old. Tim is 9 and I think I do OK there too. Trinity is 12.... Ugh! My mother warned me about this age. I see a lot of myself in her and it scares me. In my efforts to raise an independent, responsible, emotionally stable young woman, I feel some days like I'm doing it all wrong. I want to give her freedom, but not too much. I want to teach her responsibility, but I don't want to put too much on her plate. I want her to be secure with herself but how can I do that when this world is so judgmental? I have to be her parent first and her friend second but its a hard line in the sand between both. Any mom of a (pre) teen girl knows the struggle and I know I'm not alone. But damn it’s a struggle.

How do you deal with jealousy?

I think I'm lucky in the sense that I'm not a jealous person. I never really have been. Sometimes I get a little jealous of beautiful girls but it’s not overwhelming. We all struggle with something and as much as someone else might have something I want, I have something that someone else wants... We all fight our own battles. I practice gratitude every day. When I'm grateful for things I have, I forget about the things I don't have.

Do you feel pressured by societal norms for your life to turn out a certain way?

Not usually. I feel like I'm on the path God chose for me. Normal or not (by societal standards) its how its supposed to be. I can say however, that I do feel pressure as a parent to raise my kids a certain way. I feel like their behavior (good and bad) is a reflection of how I raise them and society is constantly judging me for it. There's 'pressure' there.

Who has helped shape who you are?

Lots of people have shaped me into who I am. My parents of course. Mom is strong, the matriarch of our family and as the oldest female in my family I try to be as strong, helpful, firm, and wise as her. My dad is the hardest working man I know. There's no man on Earth that I love more. I aspire to have his work ethic and dedication to take care of my own family the way he always has. Also, growing up my best friends mom Sue Kiefer. She had one daughter (Amy <3) but raised a herd of us. She was the 'coolest' mom around. We all called her Ma. Without us even knowing it, she taught us amazing values that I keep with me today. Self respect, dignity, the '6 week rule' (which I won't explain, lol). She was there for each and every one of us girls during our formative teenage years and I'm forever grateful to her for it.

What is the most important part of a romantic relationship?

I can honestly say that these days Jeff and I don't have much 'romance' in our relationship. This is something that is perfectly OK and normal right now and I need to explain why. We have a 4 month old that sleeps in our room. The 9 months prior to JJ being born I was sore, tired.... No... Exhausted, and cranky. Kudos to him for not pushing the issue. It takes a very unselfish man to put his woman first (all the time) and I have nothing but love for him. When he and I made a decision to be together he didn't just take 'me' on but also my two kids. I can't imagine what that's like but he's always worked hard for all of us and never treated trinity and timothy any different than his own flesh and blood. There's nothing sexier than a man who puts you and the children first... And the romance is there but in a different way than people might think. Romance doesn't have to be candle lit dinners, hand holding on the beach, and making love all night. Sometimes it’s when he gets up with the baby and makes sure the coffee is made when I get up from my sleep in.

What are three things you are grateful for today?

If I have to just pick 3, it would have to be God, sobriety, and family/friends in that order because without the first, I wouldn't have the next.

What book should I read and why?

Hands down my answer is Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It’s a classic. One of the most inspiring novels I've ever read and I feel like a better person for reading it. The same author also wrote The 5 People You Meet in Heaven. It’s a great book too.